Daily Reminders

After a slight meltdown about my physical appearance two weekends ago, this past week I was pretty stable regarding my desire to be physically fit (no tears, meltdowns, or pity parties!). I was feeling good because I had been to the gym 3 times that week, increased my running speed, eaten healthy for the most part, and given my desires and insecurities to God.

Then Sunday it all came crashing down.

As I was standing in worship on Sunday I couldn't help, but notice a girl in the sanctuary. She wasn't overly stunning by any means, but she had everything I thought I wanted. Stylish clothes, perfect skin and makeup, designer accessories, flowing hair, and what seemed to be a pretty toned body. I instantly needed everything she had. I could no longer focus on worship because I was consumed with wanting to be her.

The funny thing is, is that I was only looking at the outside, assuming she was living the perfect life. I was sure that she had that body naturally or rarely had to workout (and if she did it came easily to her and she enjoyed it), she had never had insecurities over her appearance, always had the right things to wear and accessorize with, and of course had the perfect house, job, and family. She was never stressed, always having fun, and living a fantastic life.

Once I drew myself back into reality I knew I had a choice to make. I could either continue to focus on my made up story of the girl in the sanctuary or I could focus on the God that created me as I am. I was stunned that my security could be stripped from me in such a short amount of time. It only took Satan one minute to distract me from worshipping and focus my attention on everything I thought I didn't have and needed.

Then I quickly remember that my time with the Lord had not been consistent the last three days. Once I had prayed and spent time with the Lord earlier that week I forgot that this was going to be a daily battle. I assumed that since I had laid my insecurities at his feet on Tuesday that it was going to be a breeze from there on out. Oh how wrong I was.

Time and time again I become disappointed in myself for losing sight of Christ so quickly. He desires to be with me every second of every day and I know how powerful he can be in my life when I allow him to be there. You would think I would remember those times of hope and encouragement, the times when I feel incredibly secure in him and empowered to take on life's daily challenges, but they fade all too quickly. I become self absorbed and short sighted when I do not allow the Lord to work in my life on a regular basis.

This just goes to show just how important being in the Bible and communicating with God really is! I will not win this battle over insecurity and self image without him by my side, reminding me I am his perfect creation! I must use the promises in his word to remove any lies in my thoughts that could lead me down a path to emotional destruction. The only way to combat lies that the world throws at is is through the truth of scripture. Day in and day out my focus must be on Christ being my reward as I work on growing disciplines in my life so that I can grow as a believer.